The Phrases shared by A Parent Which Helped Us as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the difficulties of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth quickly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his struggles are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate amongst men, who still absorb damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a short trip overseas, away from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a friend, your other half or a therapist how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that made you feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, altered how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."